Really you deleted me? I guess i made no impression on you over these last 5 years that you want to remember. I would never want to delete you from my life you were always the one who made me smile, even when I wanted to cry! We have been through much that wouldn't change any of it for the world, even the shitty parts of what we had. You taught me so much and showed me a part of life that I never knew was there. We were always good together, I wish I knew how it all got so fucked up with us, or when. I wish we could start over so that we could save us in the end of all this hell we know as love. Loading you belongings into your car was like I was losing you all over again, I feel like I have lost you so many times, and it gets harder every time never easier! You tell me your hurting but i would never know it from watching you. You never seem to be anything other than happy, it's me how is a wreck inside and out! I'm always the one who is left heart broken and alone, standing and barely breathing. Wishing that I could stop the pain I get shooting through my chest, wanting to end it all for good. Death seems like it would bring so much peace to my soul, it sounds almost inviting...

I feel us drifting more apart as the days go on...my heart is slowly stopping it's beat. I don't know where to turn these days, I don't feel that I can turn to you. That makes me sad, that I feel this way. The love that we once shared is gone, maybe the question I should be asking myself is "was the love ever really there"? I want to believe that once upon a time there was more love than I could ask for but today I don't think I could say that. It doesn't make much sense I know, to me especially. I feel like im on a downward spiral to my death in so many ways. How can I find my way back to a time that I was happy, to a time when I could trust in you not to hurt me. A time when the game wasn't who could hurt who the most and the quickest. I hate how my life has turned out this is not how I planned to live my life. I blame myself for being where im at today, no one but me allowed this shit to happen. But your not off the hook, I do blame you for a small part; which part im not sure of...but I know that i miss you and I wish I didn't...